A Conversation With The Fourth Wall
by MissScorp
Summary: Deadpool is having a conversation with well...himself. Drabble crack!bad humor alert!
1. Talking to Myself

**Disclaimer: **I do not own anything related to Deadpool or Ryan Reynolds.

**A/N: **This is a Drabble. A very badly written one. It is a gift!fic for someone who loves Deadpool, and is meant to inspire a chuckle (if at all possible) after a long, bad week. I am a beginner Deadpool fan (I am more a Batman-girl) and am rolling with whatever insanity hit me at the time to type. So take this for a badly written first attempt at Deadpool like humor. Also, there is no action sequences-this was a dialogue only challenge.

**A/N 2: **Italics denotes Deadpool's inner voice...

* * *

"So, in my imagination..."

**Dude, we have an imagination?**

"Yea, we do..."

**What happened to us just rollin' with shit?**

"Went out the door with the script to our movie..."

**...we had a script?!**

"We also had an actor who was gonna play us..."

**Dude, you're way uglier than Ryan Reynolds...**

"I know I...hey!

**...what?**

"I am not uglier than Ryan Reynolds!"

**...right. Guy has a pair of abs on him that even I'd love to lick chocolate syrup off of**

"...we so need to talk later about your homoerotic fixation on Ryan Reynolds..."

**Yea...MY fixation. Not like I'm your mind here or anything...**

"Yanno, I heard about the idiots over at Marvel wanting to allow some writer to pen how we lose our regenerative power..."

**yea, that hasn't been done before...**

"...and have us end up looking more like your bromance buddy..."

**...told ya you were fuglier than Reynolds**

"Am not!"

**...are so**

"Dude, I am way hotter than Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber combined!"

**You realize that you are arguing with yourself about who you are hotter than, right?**

"Well of course. But who else am I supposed to argue this point with?"

**...it's that we are arguing about it that is disturbing me.**

"...that is irrelevant and unimportant to this plot."

**...this is a plot?**

"So, the girl writing us wants me to explain my original origins for those people who have been living under a rock..."

**well we weren't exactly mainstream popular until Ryan...**

"Enough about him!"

**Jealous**?

"Yes...no!"

**...denial is so not an attractive look for you**

"I am not in denial!"

**...so are **

"So not!"

**...so it wasn't you crying last night because the people on that fan forum only knew you because Ryan played you in the Origins movie?**

"Would you shut up about Ryan Reynolds!"

**...last time I mention him, promise**

"Thank you."

**Anyway, you were saying about how our lovely writer wanted you to explain your real origins?**

"Yes. My real origins..."

**...do you even remember what your real origins are?**

"Of course I know my real origins. Who else would know all the crap about me, but me?"

**... I'm seeing that she forgot to tell you to tell your origins story without spewing all your typical made-up crap.**

"Rig...hey!"

**...wha**?

"I don't spew made-up crap!"

**Suuuuure ya don't...**

_"_What I say is the absolute truth!"

**So, the super awesome girl who is writing us is gonna kill us if we don't start acting more serious...**

"She's writing us and expects _us _to be more serious? Anybody but me finding that to be an example of an oxymoron?"

**I'm surprised that you even know the word oxymoron.**

"Hey, I'm surprised that I'm able to actively attenuate myself to anything but the bountiful breas..."

**ahem**

"What?"

**...you're sexualizing and objectifying our writer**

"...weren't you the one who was just wanting to lick chocolate syrup off Ryan Reynolds abs?"

**...no, no I was not. And you brought him up this time, not me.**

"Shut up."

**You know what our problem is? We never learned to take anything seriously...**

"...I thought our problem was that I'm all sorts of crazy?"

**...well yea, you're that too**

"Yanno, we should like totally go play our super awesome, amazing Deadpool video game right now!"

**...you realize that our game sucked, right?**

"It did not!"

**...did so. Average rating is only about a seven. **

"But we have different combos!"

**...that people found repetitive and boring. **

"We can switch our fighting styles!"

**They don't allow us the ability to unleash the unlimited anarchy and mayhem that is synonymous to the man known round the world as the Merc with the Mouth. **

"But... we can utilize different weapons..."

**...utilize? Who the hell wrote that crap?**

"It was on the Deadpool wiki..."

**...we have a WIKI!? Sweet! Let's go check out what else it says about us!**

"You are the man with the plan!"

**...dude, we never have a plan.**

"Just roll credits."


	2. Analytical conversations

**A/N: **That's right… I've decided to add to the insanity. Don't know if this will come off quite as humorous as the first chapter, but I have admitted that me and crack!fic are a spotty affair heh enjoy folks! And understand that nothing I say is meant to be taken seriously (except by Deadpool of course).

Also, apparently we cannot write out fan fiction dot net or use arrowheads as brackets...

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing but for the general

* * *

**So I was talking with our lovely writer today... **

"Aha! I knew that you were cheating on me!"

**...uh, how does that even make sense? **

"How does anything I say make sense?"

**It doesn't typically…**

"Exactly."

**...anyway, I was talking with our lovely writer today about the sad state of **

**Deadpool fan fiction on this website ... **

"I know, we _rule_ fan fiction don't we?"

**...dude, there are only 180 stories in the Deadpool subcategory section on this site**

"And how many are there in the X-Men subcategory? Like ten? Twenty?"

**Uhm… more like 11,700... **

"...you're shitting me, right?"

**I'm dead serious pal. There are 11,520 more stories in the X-Men subcategory than there are in the Deadpool one.**

_*crying uncontrollably* _

**There, there my violently psychotic and mentally unstable lesser half. Just let it all out…**

"I can't believe there are only 180 stories about yours truly on this website..."

**Well, I'm sure that you make a couple of ****_minor_**** appearances in other Marvel related fan inspired works... **

"That's not the same as being the main character of your own story!"

**Well, maybe if you weren't seen as an overrated and overexposed annoyance** **there would be more Deadpool stories written …**

"…I am so not overexposed!" *pauses* "Nor am I overrated!"

**You're more overexposed than Ryan Rey...**

"I do not want to hear one word about Ryan Reynolds!"

**Fine**. **You're more overexposed than that guy in the spray on Green Lantern suit. That better?**

"...no, because you're still talking about Ryan Reynolds."

**I see you are still jealous about Ryan being a hottie and you a nottie… **

"I am _so_ not jealous!"

**Are so!**

"I am three times the men that Ryan Reynolds, Hugh Jackman and Robert Downey Jr. combined are!"

… ***laughing hysterically***

"Stop laughing you asshole!"

**Yanno it would be so hot if we could finally get the studio to film Ryan Reynolds playing us in our movie****...**

"Okay, even I gotta admit that it would be a lot better to look like Ryan Reynolds than Tom Cruise."

**…when the hell did we look like Tom Cruise?!**

"You don't remember that time that bastard Loki cursed us to look like Tom Cruise?"

**Oh, that. Man, that was some serious bullshit. **

"Tell me about it."

**_..._****I mean c'mon. For starters, ****Tom Cruise doesn't have the ass that Ryan does…**

"Hey!"

**_..._****what? Guy has a set of buns that you could bounce a quarter off of**

"...we seriously need to talk about your homoerotic fixation of Ryan Reynolds..."

**Yea...MY fixation. Not like there's not some chick sitting at a laptop right now typing out our thoughts or anything****...**

"And she can type anything that she wants so long as she keeps wearing that white sport tank."

**You're sexualizing our writer again…**

**…and drooling on the computer screen. Dude, seriously? **

"I can't help it! Look at them! They're so perfect and round. Like perky little orbs of pillowy goodness…"

**Would you like me to leave you alone for a minute?**

"You know that our writer calls herself a self-professed Batgirl, right?

A**nd we both know how you've always wanted to bang a DC girl**

"Think she could get us a date with her?"

**…you want our writer to get you a date with Batgirl?**

"Or Rogue… or Death… or hell, Betty White even. I'm not picky."

**Clearly.**

"You heard that they've finally cast someone to play Batman in that highly anticipated Batman/Superman movie haven't you?"

**…I tend to not keep up on areas of pop culture that do not involve us. **

"Me either, but you couldn't help but hear about this shit. Least of all since our writer was throwing a spectacular hissy fit over it."

**Who'd they pick to play Batman?**

"Ben Affleck."

**… that is about as bad as them picking Ben Stiller to plus us**

"Know who their second choice was? Josh Brolin."

**I take it back. That would be like them casting Pee-Wee Herman to play us…**

"I personally would have voted for either Michael C. Hall or Joseph Gordon-Levitt to play the Bat."

**… Joseph Gordon-Levitt in the Batsuit. Now there's something to make your heart go pitter patter.**

"We are not adding to your bromance list!"

**…aw, why not?**

"You know that I could totally whoop Batman's ass in a fight, right?"

**… you and what army?**

"Dude, I could so totally take Batman in a fight."

**Yea, because you'd blow up the world in order to win… **

"But I'd take out Batman! And that's the important part!"

**…and murder billions of other people in the process…**

"Necessary casualties."

**So that's what we're calling the senseless slaughter of innocent women and children nowadays…**

"Name me one person on this planet who is 100% innocent."

**Me.**

"Dude, nobody is gonna buy that… not after they read about you wanting to lick chocolate off of Ryan Reynold's stomach."

**Abs. I said abs.**

"Same thing."

**… so you say. **

"Whataya say that we end this and go smack Wolverine around some more in our game?"

**…dude, I love you.**

"I know."


End file.
